Monday, Penguins, and Antarctica

                Alright all you Monday people, listen up. I really need you to understand something for me. For those of you Monday lovers who happen to be teachers: pop quizzes are not the way to go, homework shouldn’t be assigned by the truck load, and classes should include a ten minute nap. For students: we need to protest that all of the above are not being done; of course, we can’t protest until tomorrow because Mondays are dumb and unproductive, and we wouldn’t be making our point very strong if we were trying to be productive on a Monday. And for those of you who are parents: don’t ground your children on Mondays- if anything it just pisses them off more, which is the opposite of productive.

                I had this crazy, amazing idea while I was daydreaming in class today, that I thought maybe y’all would like to hear. You ready for this? It’s pretty big.

                What if we took all the Monday loving people and put them on Antarctica? I mean really, they could have their own little world down there! They could do all the Monday things the rest of the world hates- and they could celebrate Monday every single day. To me, this sounds like the perfect solution. All those Monday-ers could do whatever it is they please on Mondays, and the rest of us (the anti-Monday-ers) could stay home and sleep, or eat, or do whatever the hell we wanted to do.

                I told you it was a crazy good idea.

                This is the part where you thank me. And then you go buy boxes big enough to fit humans, packaging tape by the miles, and stamps that say “FRAGILE” and “SHIP TO ANTARCTICA”.

                I guess there is one little tiny problem with this whole idea.

                What if the penguins in Antarctica aren’t fans of the Monday thing?

                Oh no. What have I done to those poor little penguins?

                Does this make me a terrible person? Actually, no it doesn’t. I look less terrible if you compare me to the teachers I so kindly, casually, and indirectly mentioned above.

                This is where I sigh and tell you all that as much as I would love for this scenario to play itself out, it’s not going to happen. I guess I’m supposed to compromise or something so I guess I will settle with telling all of y’all to stop being Monday people. Monday lovers are the worst, and all they do is make anti-Monday people feel even worse on Mondays. If you are a Monday person, take a hint and try to be less like you currently are and more… Sleepy. Hungry. Tired. Bored. You know, like the rest of us.

(454 words)