Falling on Ice

                You know, I never liked snow. It’s one thing to make my truck slide around all over the place while I’m trying to drive, but it’s an entirely different thing to stab me in the back the way snow did on Friday night.

                There I was, walking up the driveway to go to a party, when all of a sudden I noticed how icy the pavement really was. I placed my foot directly on the ice, thinking that I wouldn’t actually fall if I acknowledged the fact that there was ice under my feet.

                I was wrong.

                One second I was vertical, carrying my white elephant present and bag of Cheetos, and the next second I was down. On the ice. With searing pain in my hip/ lower back/ left buttock area.

                I mean the worst part was that I knew it was coming all along- but I ignored it! Common sense, people! I should have shifted my foot off the ice so that I would have avoided falling- but no. Be smarter than me, my friends; you don’t want to end up with a bruised bottom.

                This winter season, don’t be like me. Watch where you are walking, and take your time- there is no reason to rush only to end up on the ground. Trust me. Also, you should make the serious investment and buy a bag of salt; spread it around the ice so that your driveway/ road is less slippery. Clutzy people such as myself appreciate it more than you know.

 

(256 words)

Peppermint Pringles

                How many of you lovely people enjoy eating peppermint flavored foods/ beverages? This includes: candy canes, peppermint cookies, peppermint hot chocolate… The list is endless, my friends. If y’all are anything like me, peppermint is your holiday snack. Every December, you can bet I will always have candy canes nearby.

                The other day I was sitting on the couch watching Ellen DeGeneres on her show. For those of you who don’t regularly watch Ellen every single day after school like I do, here’s the gist: she does random things, like all the time. Sometimes these random things are funny, sometimes they are serious, and sometimes they are so random they don’t even belong in a category. Last week, Ellen opened her show talking about a rather unusual peppermint flavored food. Let the controversy begin.

                White Chocolate Peppermint Pringles, they are called. I don’t think you heard me correctly. There are people in the world who have combined the wonderful taste of the holidays with the wonderful taste of a potato chip. I mean really, who came up with this idea? Ellen guessed that pregnant women were mixing their cravings together, hence the awkward chip flavor.

                Seriously though, how many of y’all would actually try these chips? I would for sure! I know you are looking at your screen funny now, but how many times can you say that you’ve tried a peppermint potato chip. I read a review online that said the peppermint Pringles tasted like a mixture of potatoes and toothpaste. Still, I am determined to try these chips.

                The funny thing is, I’ve been to two of the three big grocery stores close by and neither one has these holiday chips. If it weren’t for the fact that my street hasn’t been plowed yet, I would have already gone to the third and final store in search of these chips. I am determined to eat them. One way or another, I will try a peppermint Pringle.

                I hope you all gained something from reading about Peppermint Pringles. I intend on purchasing them as soon as I possibly can, and I hope you do too! Just think about it- you might even enjoy them! Yeah, I don’t even I’m that optimistic about trying them either… But it’s worth a shot, right?

 

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Woah, Just a Monday

Dear People,

                Oh my gosh, you guys. If the apocalypse really does happen on Friday, this will be my last Monday post ever. That is a really depressing thought, you know? If y’all have enjoyed reading my Monday posts as much as I have enjoyed writing them, this is a big moment for us. I mean really, this could potentially be the last Monday post I ever write… What if we really do die on Friday? Less than a week from now, we could be non-existent. Not that I believe in all of this, but there is always “what if” scenarios being thrown around. I guess I should start my Monday post with some of the things I am proud to say I have done in my life.

                First off, I want to thank all of you who read my Monday posts (or any of my posts really, but sticking to the subject, particularly my Monday posts). I’ve had a few people mention to me that my Monday tragedies always leave them laughing and excited to hear what happens to me next week. Really, people, I live to write of my Monday monstrosities so that y’all can laugh and joke around about them.

                The second thing on my list to say before I die on Friday is that I am so proud to have donated blood successfully- on a Monday, no less! Thank you to all who were there for me every step of my donation process (aka: my mom…she’s the only one that was with me every single donation). Those of you who told me to give up after my second donation attempt, those of you who told me I wasn’t cut out for blood donation, and those of you who promised to laugh at me when I passed out at school after donating: thank you. Without all of you, I never would have had the courage to prove all of you wrong and achieve victory in something that meant so much to me.

                Thirdly: I think school should just not happen for the rest of this week- I mean really, people. I could still really use a nap (or two…or a dozen). And I’m not talking like some weak little have-assed ten minute nap either; no, no, no. I’m talkin’ the My-alarm-is-shoved-under-my-grandma’s-uncle’s-dog’s-pet-goldfish’s-mattress type of nap. You know, the really, really, really        good ones.

                Last, but not least, I want to say how glad I am to have been alive (I promise that that line sounded a lot less cheesy in my head). But I’m serious- I am so glad that I was given the chance to live, and make mistakes. All of the people I have met- even the ones that really piss me off (including you, Monday)- have made my life what it is today, and I am so thankful for that. Yeah, Monday, I did just say I was thankful for you. If we live through this apocalypse, you better take it easy on me next week.

                And as much as I hate to admit it, one of the things I’m going to miss the most (if I die… which I seriously doubt is going to happen) are my Monday posts. Believe it or not, Mondays- though terrible to me each week- have been some of the greatest things ever, and I will be sad to see them go…you know if I end up dead in four days.

 

Until next week (maybe),

Shelby.

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Listen Up, Radio Stations

                Show of hands, how many of y’all out there listen to Christmas music? I’m going to guess that all of you have your hands raised, as just about every single radio station is playing holiday music this time of year. Actually, to be precise, Christmas music has been playing on the radio since the week before Thanksgiving.

                Thanksgiving was in November, people.

                Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love Christmas music, especially when I first get to hear it for the new season. But let’s be honest here, when it starts playing in November, I’m pretty sick of hearing it by mid-December. This month however, I have been so busy with all of life’s activities and obstacles that I haven’t had much time to listen to Christmas music. Though I want to listen to Christmas music, I’m trying to hold out so that I don’t get burned out before holiday break.

                I know all of us out there have our favorite Christmas song, our favorite Christmas singer, and then we have our least favorite Christmas songs and singers. Personally, my favorite is Michael Bublé’s Christmas album. That man has the voice of a Christmas angel.

                There are always those radio stations that play amazing Christmas songs, but then the turn into the most annoying station ever. They start playing the Christmas songs with overdone pep- and they wonder why we start to tune out in mid-December. I won’t list any of the ones I am thinking about in particular, so that I won’t hurt any of your feelings and find myself on the Naughty list the week before Christmas.

                I’m not saying Christmas music is bad, because not all of it is. I’m just saying that there is a time and a place for it, and the week before Thanksgiving is definitely not the time. I’m also saying Michael Bublé’s voice is a Christmas miracle, and if you have not heard him sing before then you have not lived.

 

(330 words)

I Need a Nap

                I would like to discuss something with all of you out there. I want to bring up a very important subject, one that is very near and dear to me. It is a privilege kindergarteners are given, but take for granted. It is a peaceful experience teenagers yearn for. It is undeniably the most sought after high school class.

                It is Nap Time.

                Where has the time gone? What gives little children the right to sleep through school, but not teenagers? Why do children receive the pleasure of naps, while teenagers are forced to do schoolwork through their prime nap time?

                I am here to say that nap time should be an option for all high school students. According to http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/sleep-topics/teens-and-sleep teenagers need, on average, nine hours of sleep each night. Well guess what- majority of us don’t come close to that. I wake up at 5:30 every morning for school, as my first class begins at 7:00 sharp. By the time I get home from school, it is 3:00 in the afternoon, and my brain is fried. More than anything, I want to just lie down and nap. But can I do that? Nope! I always have something after school- whether it is speech rehearsals (in which case I don’t get home until 5:15 at night), babysitting, volunteering, or work. Usually, because of my busy schedule, I don’t begin doing my homework until around 6:30 at night. Keep in mind that if I were to get nine hours of sleep and still get up at 5:30 every morning, I would have to go to sleep at 8:30 each night. Basically, I’m left with two hours to complete homework in all seven of my classes. I will tell you right now, with all the classes I am currently taking, two hours is not even close to enough time to finish all my homework.

                By the time I get to bed, it’s about 10:30 at night, which means I only get seven of my needed nine hours of sleep. And where do you suppose I’m going to make up those extra two hours at? If it were possible for me to take a class designed for napping, I would. Right now, my peers and I are left with five options:

1. Skip class, go home, and sleep.

2. Sleep in class.

3.Go to bed at the appropriate time and not finish all homework.

4. Stay sleep deprived until the next week long break.

5. Install nap time in high school.

Answer honestly, which one of these options sounds like a good idea to you? Currently, I stick to number four every single night. Occasionally number three occurs, but ideally number five is the absolute best choice for teenage students to be successful. If we can’t be one hundred percent without sleep, why wouldn’t you put nap time in high schools?

 

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Red Liquid Me Never Looked So Good

                Success has a name people, and that name is Shelby.

                Determination has a name people, and that name is Shelby.

                Persistence has a name people, and that name is Shelby.

                For those of you who don’t know who I am, my name is Shelby. Every Monday, I blog about whatever treacherous things have happened to me. Though today started off on the wrong foot, and continually got worse, I wasn’t about to let my Monday blues get the best of me. I pushed through the day, working my butt off to make sure my day didn’t end up as horrible as my usual Mondays.

Once again, I attempted to donate blood (on a Monday). If you are unfamiliar with my Monday donations, here’s the gist: the last two times I’ve tried to donate blood, it hasn’t worked. The first time, I was dehydrated which caused my veins to be too small to draw from. The second time, my iron level was point two too low. (Both of these incidents occurred on Mondays, just so you know). Today however, I was determined that I would donate- and donate I did.

I drank water like nobody’s business. There was no way in hell I was going to let them bruise up my arm like the first time they did all because I didn’t drink enough water. Hell-to-the-no. I then made sure to eat a ton of iron rich foods before I went; granola and yogurt for breakfast, assorted nuts throughout the day, and finally a nice granola bar. If you plan on donating, these are great steps to take in order to be successful.

As I’m sitting here writing this post, I am feeling quite dizzy and a little faint. I mean come on, they took a full pint of blood out of me. I will never forget the moment the male nurse held up that thick bag of deep red liquid me. I wondered to myself if that was the feeling new mothers get when they first lay eyes on their newborn child- I honestly could have cried with relief. But of course I didn’t cry, because that would be weak and spineless, and what teenager likes to feel that way?

Donating blood is an amazing experience. Even though it didn’t work the first two times for me, I persisted until I finally got the chance to donate. All the nerves and trembling fingers are put aside as soon as you see what you have just done. The needle stick is nothing compared to the feeling of success and joy of being able to save three lives with your donation. Donating blood is by far the most phenomenal thing I have ever been proud to rub in peoples’ faces. I hope all of you who read this consider donating- trust me you won’t regret it. Oh, and when they offer you the option of cookies or Chex mix, pick the Chex mix. The cookies are hard and gross.

 

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Princess, You're Under the Influence of Barbie

                Once upon a time, in the magical land of babysitting, there lived a wondrous creature called The T.V. This colorful rectangle projected images of princesses and pop stars at the real life princess (the eight year old I babysit) and her servant (that would be me) who happened to have their perfect little rumps on perfectly enormous couches. The rental video we rented stated it would show us what would happen if Barbie the princess traded places with her identical friend the pop star. “The Princess and the Pop Star” was what our rental video was called, and as the servant, I was to be in control of the remote; you know, changing the volume level, hitting the pause and resume buttons.

                As the servant I not only controlled the remote to the princess’s wishes, but I also popped the popcorn to the perfection she requested. After double checking to make sure the princess had everything she needed, I finally sat down to enjoy the Barbie movie. After a short period of time, however, I became more engulfed in the film than I had ever imagined possible. I would look at Barbie in all her princess glory and compare my clothes to her super sparkly, intensely glitter-ified, overly gauzy dresses- and the weird thing was: I was becoming jealous of her dresses! I longed to wear something so beautiful, perhaps to homecoming. Or maybe I could wear these lovely garments to just lie around in my house- you know, just like Barbie did. Sadly, servants like me aren’t princesses who have large blocks of gold lying around.

                Another quirk I, the servant, conveniently noticed was that Barbie had a nice, expensive touch screen phone that she tweeted on. The producers of this movie made Barbie tweet! For goodness sake, are they trying to brainwash the sweet, innocent princesses I babysit?! The real life princess just sat there as if Barbie whipping out her phone to interact with social media was totally natural and okay! Just as I, the servant, was starting to believe the movie was about to become less brainwashing and more entertaining, Barbie whipped out an iPad and began to play music on it. Oh boy.

                And yet, the real life princess just sat there watching her movie as if nothing were wrong. But of course not! Why would anything be wrong? It’s not like the real life princess has her very own iPhone or anything! It’s not like she was using it as she was “watching” her movie- I mean really? You are eight years old, Princess. You don’t need an iPhone- what are you planning on using it for? Updating your status: “OMG I just had the BEST play date EVER with Jeremy!” Yeah. Sure.

                Here’s for all you princesses out there: what makes you think it’s socially acceptable to use expensive electronic devices- are you influenced by your parents, your friends, the media, or maybe the most surprising yet: Barbie? Think about that next time you’re out in the real world, Princess, because our world is entirely different from yours.

 

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"Especially a Woman" ...Really?

                What is beauty? Is it defined by appearance, or is it something more? When you meet a new person, what is the first beautiful thing you try to find in them? Is it their unnatural tan, their frizzy hair, or perhaps their pointy nose?

                Look at the link at the bottom of this page. It is a link to the dictionary.com page which defines beauty. The first definition states: “the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind.” This definition depicts inner beauty rather than outer beauty- which is the way society should look at beauty. The second definition however reads: “a beautiful person, especially a woman.” I’m sorry, but really? “Especially” women? Who wrote this definition anyway- could it have been a man? Does he realize what he has done?

                For generations, the image of beauty was the stereotypical woman. Tall, blonde, tan, and skinny, this woman had the looks other ladies would kill for. She also had the looks men wanted for their future wife. Women were thought to be the property of men; they cooked for the men, they cleaned for the men, they pleased the men- women were alive to make the lives of men easier and more pleasant.

                It didn’t matter what women in our history did, our actions always revolved around the men, and how they would react. God forbid  dinner was a couple of minutes late; when he walked in the door after work, you took off his shoes and fed him dinner. That’s not necessarily the way things are today. If you are a woman who currently likes taking off your man’s shoes and making sure dinner is perfect every single night, be my guest. I have no right to tell you what you can and cannot do- but in the past that was a man’s job (to control you), and I’m glad I never had to live through that. I’m pretty sure my big mouth would get me in more trouble than my man really wanted to deal with.

                I’m glad I live in a time where men and women are equal. I can’t imagine waking up in the morning automatically thinking about what you can do to make your man happy. I wonder what he’ll want for breakfast; better make sure I tie his shoes tight so they won’t come undone during his busy day; I better get the house cleaned so that he feels like I really do care. I mean, come on. Who does that? I’ll tell you who does: the stereotypical woman.

 

                http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/beauty?s=t

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Monday Spilling

                Alright Monday, here we go again. I have tried to be nice and have tried extremely hard not to use swear words on you at all, but you still don’t seem to get it. You suck. A lot. Yeah, I went there.

                Here’s a tip for you, Monday: If I happen to be running late to school, which doesn’t occur very often, don’t close the entire freaking road (the one I need to use) in order to work on one little sewer. By conveniently placing this road block less than half a mile from school, I walked into class late after being forced to take the detour that the ignorant drivers in front of me clearly couldn’t figure out.

                Here’s another one for you, Monday: While I was opening my yogurt this morning I expected the lid to come off cleanly- just as it had the last two days I’d eaten yogurt. But no. You just HAD to make sure the lid shot some of that creamy vanilla deliciousness onto my nice black shirt. Thank you for that, I really owe you one.

                Oh, and when a really nice friend of mine buys me food, try not to dump the contents down my shirt. It’s really embarrassing…and sticky.

                Though you weren’t very considerate with my food today, you did manage to start Speech season off with a boom. I greatly appreciated you not humiliating me in front of all the people I was trying to impress. It was a tad bit hot in the room though- you probably could have turned the temperature down a little…but whatever. It was probably just me smokin’ up the room. I’m just too damn sexy for that room’s hotness capacity. Yeah, that had to be it. I think you owe me for that one, Monday. You are so welcome.

                Oh Monday. You know, try as I might, I can never seem to please you. No matter what I do, you just can’t seem to escape twisting my day into exactly what it doesn’t need to be. I guess I owe you for giving me a topic to blog about once a week…but then again I’m sure my posts could be just as entertaining without all the negative side effects you create throughout my day. Besides, what joy do you really get from watching me struggle throughout the day? From my perspective, all the horrible obsticles you throw at me are irritating and unnecessary. I really don’t need to spend extra time on wiping off the yogurt YOU spilled on my shirt, or taking the detour YOU made me take, or sweating in a really hot room in which YOU didn’t turn on the air conditioning. Keep this in mind, Monday, when I attempt for the third time to donate blood. Please let it work this time, Monday. If you can only do one thing right, make it this. Please.

 

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Just Another December First

                December 1^st usually isn’t all that great for me; to be honest, I don’t see the big hype about December 1^st. It’s a new month- Hooray? If someone could explain to me the phenomenon that gets everyone excited on December 1^st, that would be great. Congratulations, you get to put a new ornament on your advent tree- you go, you creative little human! There is really no point to being excited about December 1^st!

                How do normal people spend their December Firsts? Usually I just lay around on my ass all day, doing what stereotypical Americans do best: being couch potatoes. Normal people probably get together with friends and reminisce about previous December 1^st’s, wondering what this “glorious” day will bring. I hate to break it to you, but your December 1^st isn’t going to be any better than your tomorrow (December 2^nd) or your yesterday (November 30^th).

                While all you normal people were obsessing over your “lovely” December 1^st’s, I was doing a few things. Last night I had a work party that started at around 11:00pm; needless to say I went to bed pretty late last night…technically early this morning. At 5:30am, my back decided it would try out this new pain thing where if I moved, I was in extreme pain, but if I didn’t move I would still be in extreme pain. Obviously you normal people can start to see why I am bitter towards December 1^st.

After lying around with ice packs and heating pads on my back all morning, I went over to a friend’s house for Holiday Cookie Day. There’s nothing like hanging out with family that isn’t yours, yet being treated as if you really were a part of the family. Is that why everyone likes December 1^st- because you get to be with family and eat cookies that have so many calories they’ll make your thighs blow up like balloons? If so, I understand this now… And if not, well then you are still a strange little human in my book.

And then came work. Yeah, I did work December 1^st, but it wasn’t a big deal. Do you know why it wasn’t a big deal? Because it’s just December First! It’s not a holiday! There’s no reason to celebrate! I didn’t get the day off, or even get any benefits today. In fact, today was one of my worst working days EVER! Yay, December 1^st! Hallelujah, Praise December 1^st! I still don’t understand the hype! Go me!

If you only learn one thing from this blog post, remember that December 1^st is not a holiday and does not need to be acknowledged any more than all the other December days. You should also remember that having back pain sucks, and being exhausted because of it makes the whole “December First” situation ten times worse. Oh, and family is important- even if they aren’t really your true family. Even if it’s just plain ol’ December 1^st.

 

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